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A Reading Vocation

"I Must Read, Read, and Read. It is my Vocation." - Thomas Merton

This is where I chronicle my reading life.  I also blog about writing at Lacey's Late-night Editing.


Book 74/100: Dilemma - A Priest's Struggle with Faith and Love by Father Albert Cutie

Dilemma: A Priest's Struggle with Faith and Love by Father Albert Cutie (3-Jan-2012) Paperback - Albert Cutie

Around the Year Reading Challenge Item #25: A Book Whose Main Character is in a Profession that Interests You

This feels like two different books smashed into one: the first half is something of a memoir of Cutie's experience in the priesthood, while the second half is essentially his rant about all the things that are wrong with the Catholic church, which he mostly attributes to the celibacy requirement for clergy.

This has a bit more of a "celebrity memoir" feel to it than I usually like, and the writing in the first half feels a little labored, clunky, and obligatory. I didn't realize that Cutie was such a public figure, so his need to tell "his" side of the story and his many references to how the media and those around him perceived him felt a little bit overly defensive to me. If you're looking for a love story, you will be disappointed -- he goes into very little detail about the relationship that was ultimately the last straw in his decision to leave the Catholic church, probably out of respect for his wife, whom he characterizes as a "private" and "shy" person.

The book picked up steam (and interest) for me after Cutie stopped acting as an apologist for why he remained in the Church for so long and instead dissects all that he sees to be wrong with it. There is nothing incredibly new here, although there are a few interesting insights, such as his belief that the Catholic church has been so silent in speaking out against dictatorial governments because it is itself a dictatorship. The idea that all of the Church's problems stem from the celibacy requirement is a bit of a stretch, but he makes a compelling argument for it nonetheless. I liked having the "insider look" behind the veil that is the Catholic hierarchy and appreciated that Cutie's role as an outsider allowed him greater than priests still within the system are afforded. I felt a bit uncomfortable with how Cutie seemed ready to give priests accused of sex abuse the "benefit of the doubt" as well as his conflation of homosexuality and predatory sexual preferences, even though he claims to be an ally to the GLBTQ community.

As a memoir it's a little stiff and wooden, and it's not the greatest treatise on the failings of the Catholic church. But I'm still glad to welcome Cutie among the chorus of dissenters calling for change in an institution that too often does more harm than good to its adherents.

Book 73/100: Every Last Word by Tamara Ireland Stone

Every Last Word - Tamara Ireland Stone

Around the Year Reading Challenge Item #34: A book about mental illness


This is one of the better YA books I've read this year. Samantha's voice feels believable and does not reduce her to her mental illness, which is OCD with a focus on obsessive thoughts. Although Sam keeps her OCD secret from her friends and crush, and this provides some of the tension, it's reassuring to know that her family and her therapist are in on her struggles and are there to support her, so the OCD never feels overwhelming and Samantha's predicaments never veer toward despair.


The story thread about Samantha dealing with her group of friends, "mean girls" who often prey on her insecurities and make the idea of coming out about her OCD unthinkable, is well handled. Although we don't get to know all the girls in the group in depth, and some of them are basically just names, Stone does a good job of showing that they are more than their place in the hierarchy, and she intersperses happy memories and a long history together that makes it easy to see why Sam can't easily just break away from them. From her association with them, she has access to a privileged place on the school's social strata, and this serves as "golden handcuffs" that traps her.


Woven alongside this story is one about Samantha discovering a new group of friends, poets who secretly meet to share their work twice a week. This is how she finds the strength to begin leaving her toxic friendships behind, and she also finds a way to give voice to what it feels like to live with OCD. She has a crush on one of the boys in the group, and for me this book's main drawback was the amount of time it spent on teen lovey-dovey stuff, although at least the object of Sam's affection feels like an individual and is not "perfect" (he's a stutterer, has his own insecurities, can't swim, etc.) I sort of secretly wanted this to be a lesbian story since Samantha and Caroline had such great chemistry, but I liked the ultimate explanation for why they "clicked," too. I also really loved the book's themes about the healing power of writing, the idea that those who have mental illness derive certain blessings from their condition and the sensitive way it handled Samantha's reliance on escapism.


A good read, overall, and one that delivers more than it promises.

Book 72/100: The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Adieh

The Wrath and the Dawn - Renee Ahdieh

Book Riot Read Harder Challenge Item: A book set in the Middle East


This is a first novel, and it feels like one. The prose is overwritten and tends toward the purple, and it resorts to using the same descriptions far too often. Like, we don't need to know that Jalid has "tiger eyes" each time he looks at Sherzhad, do we? Or that Sherzhad has luscious, waist-length hair? There also seemed to be something weird going on with transitions, because I often had to backtrack to figure out how we got from one scene to another, or from one point of view to another, etc.


It's hard to redeem the caliph who murders a new bride every night, and this book puts forth a valiant effort. But in doing so, it sort of lets him off the hook for his crimes, which is a little off-putting. The tumultuous love story between Jalid and Sherzhad probably would have captured my interest if I read this as a teenager, but as an adult it felt a bit on the melodramatic side. Plus, whenever I started to get into it, there was, "Oh yeah, but this guy has killed a bunch of women," and that sort of killed the mood for me.


The world-building is pretty shaky and doesn't seem to be firmly rooted in Middle Eastern history or in a new, magical world. It ends up being a sort of mashup of the two, but the magic plays such a tangential part in the story that it feels a little out of place. There are curses and random powers inserted mostly for the sake of convenience and without feeling as though they are truly woven into the fabric of this time and place. And, like, why was there a magic carpet that never even did anything? I could have done without the half-baked love triangle, too.


I gave the book three stars, so obviously it wasn't all bad. It held my interest well enough even if it annoyed me at times, and there are far too few retellings of fairy tales outside the European canon. It ends on a little bit of ambiguity/cliffhanger which seems to set it up for a sequel, in which the love triangle is destined to take center stage. I don't think I will be reading it.

Book 71/100: Wild Mind - Living the Writer's Life by Natalie Goldberg

Writing Down the Bones, Wild Mind - Natalie Goldberg
Around the Year Reading Challenge Item #21: A book from the Goodreads recommendations page

The philosophy behind this book is pretty much the same as that powering Writing Down the Bones: Freeing the Writer Within, but I found this book to be a lot more enjoyable. Goldberg's tone is a bit less pretentious and her advice, overall, feels more grounded and less self-involved. The writing prompts vary from the whimsical to the thoughtful to the practical, and I felt a little smug to see her recommending several practices that I already incorporate. The book is full of analogies to the writing life to make it seem a little less mystical, and it includes a healthy dose of author humility. While less exuberant than "Bones," the advice in this book is both inspiring and sustainable.

A couple things did bug me about the book. I felt that Goldberg included far more examples of her own writing than were needed to convey the sense of what she was advising; these felt self-indulgent. I also can't help notice that in many of these, "free yourself and write" advice books, the authors do not have traditional employment -- either they are supporting themselves with their writing, or they have some mysterious source of income squirreled away somewhere, and the advice about letting writing permeate every part of your life can feel unattainable when you are squeezing it in around the rest of your life. Goldberg does address this in several places, but there's a sense that she doesn't feel it down in her bones when she writes about quitting her one-day-a-week paid gig because it interferes with her writing mojo. Yup, jobs are hella inconvenient.

Book 70/100: Longbourn by Jo Baker

Longbourn - Jo Baker

Book Riot Challenge Item: A Historical Fiction Set Before 1900

I think the people who dislike this book because they don't like the way Elizabeth or other Bennets act in it really need to venture out of their protective bubble.

There's a reason the characters in Longbourn are mentioned only in passing in [book:Pride and Prejudice|1885]: it's because the upper classes barely noticed that the servant class existed. The portrayal of the Bennets in this book seems perfectly in line with their portrayal in the book; they are kind to the servants, they are not monsters, but they have a sense of entitlement -- which is barely noticed when the story is told from their perspective, but which rankles a bit when you see it through the eyes of those who must work to make sure the Bennets continue to receive what they feel entitled to, whether it is new shoe roses despite the rain or three warm meals each day.

Although I consider myself a Jane Austen fan and I like the romance between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, I get easily irritated by the Jane-ites that fawn over the romance in the books as though Austen was merely a writer of Harlequins and not a woman who was attempting to critique the society in which she lived even as she upheld it. And I have limited patience for books such as [book:Austenland|248483] and [book:The Jane Austen Book Club|2152] that seem fixated on "cute-sy-fying" Austen.

What I loved about Longbourn is that it brought Regency England back down to earth. There are cold mornings, chamber pots to be emptied, a war in Spain, wealth that is acquired through connections with the slave trade. This should not "tarnish" our view of the original works but instead deepen it with a more complete appreciation of their full context. This book is rich in sensory and historical details and delves fully into the lives of those who are often considered disposable and forgettable by history -- and yes, by Austen herself, whether you like it or not.

Although it does have some similar themes to P&P, it is not too obvious, nor does it cripple itself by trying too hard to emulate the source material. At the same time, this book is eminently faithful to the original -- all the events are the same -- and only the perspectives are different. This time, the Bennets are in the background, and while this might be disappointing to those hoping to slather over a new take on Elizabeth and Darcy's love, I found it to be perfectly acceptable because the main characters here are fully realized enough that we don't need to rely on an old, beloved story to make it through. I also appreciated that, because this book was written much later than P&P, it could more fully explore issues that would have been improper to write about then, such as just how creepy Wickham might have been, what happened when children were born out of wedlock, etc.

It was a little slow to start, and I found my interest waning in the section about James near the end, which took the action away from the core group of women we had been following for the rest of the book. But it is definitely a worthwhile read, especially if you enjoy well-rendered, intimate historical fiction, and whether you love, hate, or are indifferent to its source material.

Dilemma: A Priest's Struggle with Faith and Love by Father Albert Cutie (3-Jan-2012) Paperback - Albert Cutie
"[A]fter a good deal of reflection, I have come to the conclusion that it must be very difficult for one dictatorship to condemn another. When the Vatican stops silencing, condemning, and eliminating those who dissent from certain archaic pastoral practices and even some of their theological impositions, only then will it begin to possess the moral authority necessary to challenge dictatorships to a profound change. Imagine one totalitarian regime telling another, 'Hey, you got to listen to your people!' It just does not work. "

Book 69/100: Dark Night - A True Batman Story by Paul Dini

Dark Night: A True Batman Story - Paul Dini, Eduardo Risso

Around the Year Reading Challenge Item #46: A Crime Story


I am only a casual fan of Batman, but the credit for any of the fandom I have for the series goes back to Batman: The Animated Series from the nineties, which I still consider to be the best incarnation of Batman yet. So I was excited to read this graphic novel (memoir) about one of the original writers for the series, and his relationship with the Batman of his imagination.


I enjoyed this book, although it wasn't quite as phenomenal as I hoped it would be. I really liked getting a peek "behind the scenes" on the writing of the animated series, as well as the movie "Mask of the Phantasm," which Dini was working on when the attack depicted in this book takes place. I also liked the reflection on how fictional characters can become real to us, to the extent that they can actually influence our attitude and the outcome of our lives, as well as the look at how the life of the imagination can be disrupted, spoiled, and rebuilt after tragedy.


The art is appropriately gritty, dark, and realistic, although I felt that the female characters were more sexualized than was necessary. I also didn't particularly like the "framing" mechanism of having Dini "tell" the story to some unknown audience -- it seemed like a gimmick without there ever being a reveal on who his "listener" was, besides the reader.


Still, if you like graphic memoirs or comic books, I think this one brings something truly new to both genres.

Dilemma: A Priest's Struggle with Faith and Love by Father Albert Cutie (3-Jan-2012) Paperback - Albert Cutie
"Anytime the Vatican or the national Church refers to the media, it is to accuse the media of attacking the Church. What they don't seem to realize is that the Church is not really being attacked, but challenged to be what it claims to be. "
Dilemma: A Priest's Struggle with Faith and Love by Father Albert Cutie (3-Jan-2012) Paperback - Albert Cutie
"Many people dismiss the Church's flaws as 'the humanity of the Church.' But the problem isn't the Church's humanity; it is the Church's inhumane practices and those who are more faithful to the institution than they are to the Gospel message of love. It is those practices that are causing the institution, beloved by so many, to become less credible as a spiritual authority in the world.

Most of us can deal with human error and sin. What we can't deal with is an institution that presents itself as holier than thou and ends up having a lot more skeletons in its closet than it is willing to admit. "
"To be persistent is way more important than talent -- we all know talented writers who will never publish because they won't get in the chair and write the book. I am not the most talented person by miles, but I am incredibly determined. "

- Susan Mallery, Writer's Digest Interview, May/June 2015

Book 68/100: Two Years, Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Days by Salman Rushdie

Two Years Eight Months and Twenty-Eight Nights - Salman Rushdie

This was not a long book, but it sure felt like it.

The book is supposed to be about this epic battle between dark and light jinn, with the light jinn relying heavily on half-jinn, half-human descendants of a genia princess. But the whole first half of the book is dedicated to the half-jinn characters discovering their weird and random magical powers. I think Rushdie thinks he's doing some awesome character development during this section, but none of the characters really captured me, so mostly it just felt like nothing was happening. And even when the epic battle started, the decisive battles were wrapped up quickly and easily in a few sentences. I tend to get bored during long, drawn-out battle scenes, so I guess that's fine. But it did seem kind of anti-climactic after putting up with all the boredom to get there.

In the beginning I thought this might be a three-star book by virtue of "good writing" because Rushdie is a pretty big deal, but honestly, the writing just felt pretentious. It was obviously trying to be clever and funny, but I don't think I cracked a smile once, much less laughed. The distant and academic tone also made it really hard to get invested. And the heavy-handed moral messaging at the end pretty much clinched it for me -- this book would be lucky to scrape by with a two-star rating, and that pretty much just because I liked Baby Storm, and the fitting legacy of Jimmy Kapoor.

[Also, this book wants to be categorized as magical realism because magical realism is taken more seriously in literary circles, but really, it's fantasy. This is not a mostly real-world story where strange, magical things happen once in a while. This is a book where a sizeable portion of the named characters are genies and part of it takes place in fairyland. Also, if you classify it as magical realism, it's easier to overlook its shoddy worldbuilding. Seriously, it takes more than constant orgies to characterize a whole magical race. So, yeah, it fails as magical realism by having too little reality attached, and it can't hold a candle against any fantasy worth its salt.]


Book 67/100: Dawn by Octavia Butler

Dawn - Octavia E. Butler

Book Riot Read Harder Challenge Item: The First Book in a Series by a Person of Color

So, now I know why Octavia Butler is such a big deal.

I first acquired this book used about 10 years ago after a random stranger recommended her in a comment on a Livejournal post. Thank you, stranger, wherever you are. (I've run across her other times since then -- in a science fiction and feminist podcasts, in writing books, from other friends, but that long-ago recommendation is what spurred me to put one of her books on my shelf -- and now I hope to add many more.)

The backstory is not all that important, but it's hard to put my reaction of this book into words. If I were to sum it up in a single word, it would be: haunting.

Well-rendered, alien species can often sell a sci-fi book for me, and in this one I was utterly fascinated by the Oankali and Lilith's relationship to them. While there are some pretty clear colonization parallels in the way the Oankali relate to Lilith and other humans, seeing the story purely through that lens is too simple. The Oankali are a complex people, and Butler never offers easy answers; they have saved the human race from extinction, but in return they expect to take over their very gene pool. They are paternalistic and perceive themselves as benevolent, and the fact that they treat Lilith (and the other humans) so kindly makes the questions of consent even more unsettling. It is not surprising that [ Lilith comes to love them, perhaps even to prefer them over other humans, but the reader can't help but wonder if this is partially Stockholm Syndrome. Yet, when even the reader feels inexplicably drawn to the race, one can hardly blame Lilith for doing the same; but while she retains a certain ambivalence and rebellious nature, it's unclear whether we are meant to admire her alliance with the Oankali or simply accept it as the best option out of bad options.] One thing is certain: Lilith remains sympathetic throughout, and the real mastery of this novel is that the Oankali, despite standing in for the oppressors, do, too.

The only reason I gave this four stars instead of five is that my patience and interest waned somewhat in the middle section focused on Lilith and the other humans aboard the ship. There are a lot of characters, none of whom is developed with much depth, who behave overall in disappointing and frustrating ways that make this portion a bit of a slog to get through. But it's definitely worth holding on to the end -- now I need to get my hands on the rest of the series. [My library doesn't have anything by Butler, which is disgusting. Also disgusting is the white-washed cover on my copy of the book, despite the fact that Lilith is clearly described as black and the story itself can be seen as a metaphor for racial justice, or lack thereof. It's like the publisher didn't even *get* the issues the book was grappling with.]

Book 66/100: Sleeping Giants by Sylvain Neuvel

— feeling nerd
Sleeping Giants - Sylvain Neuvel

Around the Year Reading Challenge Item #26: A Book Everyone is Talking About

I usually don't explicitly review audiobook performances even though I listen to tons of audiobooks -- if something stands out, I'll mention it, but I focus my reviews on the things I would have noticed regardless of the medium.

I'm making an exception this time because this audiobook is *so damn good.* This is one of the rare cases where I'm honestly not sure I would have liked the book as much as I did if I read it the old-fashioned way.

The book is set up as a collection of "files" -- interviews, transcripts, diary entries, etc. -- surrounding research on a giant, ancient robot whose pieces are scattered throughout the world. I usually like this "self-aware" storytelling style, wherein the characters are aware that they are writing, being recorded, etc., as they tell their story. What this means in the audio version, however, is that each character is played by a different reader. And the readers, with their accents, quirks of inflection, rate of speaking, etc., all feel like real people, making this somewhat fantastical book ALSO feel as if maybe it *could* really happen. It's a totally immersive experience -- the kind that leaves you walking around in your normal life with your brain still living somewhere back in "book world." It's been a long time since I read a book that seeped so deeply into my subconscious, and that I wanted to sink into as much as I did this one. Perhaps I would have had the same experience if I had read it -- the book could not have done as well as it did if it were only audiobook listeners who liked it -- but I still think audio is definitely the way to go on this one.

So, why only four stars with all that gushing? One nitpicky thing is that this book does what a lot of "documentary," "epistolary," or "diary" books do -- there are places where it strains credibility that the characters would actually go into such detail when talking/writing about certain things, and you know the only reason the author did it is because he wants to reader to have that information, and his chosen medium has constrained the way that it can be delivered. There was only one place in here that I really noticed this, but it was big enough to jar me out of the story for a little bit.

Also, this isn't the type of sci-fi that I generally go for. I'm not a big fan of "giant robot" stories, and this one has a lot of military overtones, which is something else that is a turn-off for me in science fiction. And I kept feeling like there should be a bigger reveal at some point, like we were perhaps building up to something that never actually happened (although the epilogue was pretty cool.) So, I think it was not the story itself that captivated me, but rather its execution. This isn't the best story out there, but its execution is brilliant. And its audio adaptation is even brilliant-er.

Book 65/100: Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library by Chris Grabenstein

Escape from Mr. Lemoncello's Library - Chris Grabenstein
I'm not really the ideal audience for this book. Even when I was younger I didn't like these "wish-fulfillment" type stories -- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, The Candymakers, The Mysterious Benedict Society ... none of them did anything for me.

If you're wondering about the "type" of book I'm referencing, I mean books that are set in a realistic setting that include some element of the plot that fulfills a kid's, "Wouldn't that be cool if ...?" sort of fantasy that would most likely never happen in the real world. The plot also usually involves some sort of puzzle/mystery and the chosen kids are "special" in some way (and also pretty one-dimensional -- you've got the overachieving kid, the rich kid, etc., and usually the "regular kid" who is a stand in for the reader and the main protagonist.)

I like realistic books, and I like fantasy/sci-fi, but I don't like this in-between stuff.

This book falls in line with the genre's typical tropes as listed above. The kids are locked in a library and challenged to find a way out by a famous gamemaker, and the winner will become the spokesperson for his brand. If you're a book nerd who happens to like this kind of book, then you'll have a lot of fun with this one. Even without being keen on the genre, I really enjoyed all the book references thrown in, both explicitly (the kids had to find a certain book) and obliquely (someone would slip a book title into dialogue without mentioning that it was a book, such as, "Due to this series of unfortunate events ...") It's clear that a true lover of children's literature wrote this, and it pays lovely homage to the books like this that have gone before it. If I liked this sort of thing, this book would have been excellent.

As it stands, my enjoyment came purely from references. The rest was sort of boring and a little borderline creepy. (Am I the only one who finds these types of books creepy? The benevolent adult who sets the adventure up always strikes me as a tad bit predator-ish.)

Book 64/100: Alpha Goddess by Amalie Howard

Alpha Goddess - Amalie Howard
I tried to read this book last year and couldn't get into it. I knew I would struggle with it this year, too, but it was the only book on my shelf that fit a certain reading challenge item, so I soldiered on.

If I were to sum this book up in one word, it would be "sloppy." The sloppy writing is what was off-putting the first time I tried to read it, and it doesn't get better as the story progresses. Part of it is that the prose is just incredibly overwritten -- I would have taken a red pen to so much of it if I were its editor. It's full of redundancies such as, "Everything will be fine," she said reassuringly. And it was littered with enough typos -- maybe a couple every 50 pages or so -- that it could have easily been mistaken for self-published. Luckily, the author did not commit the amateur mistake of "head-hopping" throughout the dual viewpoint narration; the points of view of the two main characters were neatly divided by chapters.

To be fair, part of my dislike of this book may not have been totally fair. It's a retelling, which I like, but it also follows the tropes of paranormal romance, which I do not like. It feels more like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" than the Ramayana, and teenage goddesses battling demons has never really been my cup of tea. I felt like I couldn't really judge whether the plot "worked" as a paranormal romance because the genre does so little for me even when it's written better than this was, but I do know that it felt bogged down with two many characters and different types of deities, the plot seemed to slip-slide from one place to another, and the love triangle did absolutely nothing for me (one of the dudes in the triangle was a total bore, the other more interesting but too much of a "bad boy" to really make a good partner unless he spent years in therapy dealing with his issues, such as, you know, the fact that he [helped demons kill gods in gruesome ways.])

It was a little more gory than I expected, which was also off-putting. I can't really comment on how well it works as a retelling because I know so little about the Hindu mythology on which it is based. The author's father is apparently a Brahman, so she should know her stuff, but a lot of the reviews I've read imply differently. While I like the multi-cultural approach to the genre, Sera's family doesn't really feel Indian -- her mother is at one point described as having a "typical" Indian look, and at another point as having blond hair. O-kay .... I was tempted to give this book to a friend whose father is Indian to get her insight on the Indian elements, but I just couldn't in good conscience foist such a bad book on someone I love. (I gave it to a stranger instead through a book-swapping site).

Book 63/100: Egg & Spoon by Gregory Maguire

Egg and Spoon - Gregory Maguire

Around the Year Reading Challenge Item #33: the 16th book on your TBR

I have lots of TBR lists; this one came from my MP3 audiobooks list. I got lucky as this was an audiobook I was really looking forward to listening to!

Unfortunately, I struggled to maintain interest. Gregory Maguire is a good writer and I am often interested in his themes and the subjects he writes about. But I just didn't care for the tone of this book. It is narrated by an elderly monk who plays only a small part in the plot, and the adult narration in a middle-grade book made the whole thing feel distant. The narrator's commentary on the girls' situations was also a little off-putting.

This book really feels like two different books. The first half is a sort of "prince and the pauper" story, as two girls who look alike accidentally end up switching places. The culmination of this plot thread comes slightly after the halfway point, and the book feels like it should be over then. But it is followed by a second set of adventures, this one involving both girls, Baba Yaga, and a hunt for a magical creature. Although objectively I liked the second half of the book better, by that point I was also getting impatient for the finish line and it started to feel long.

I did like the way Maguire envisioned Baba Yaga, who was a surprisingly complex and endearing character, and funny as well. Part of this book's problem is that it takes so long for her to come into the story, and I think less dedicated (read: stubborn) readers may have given up by then. The story seems to be a bit of a commentary on Russian mythology and Russian sensibilities, but I did not know enough about the source material to appreciate that part of the story, and I don't think most young readers would, either. It also seems to be grappling with the issue of global warming, which seems an odd choice for a fantasy/historical fiction set in tsarist Russia.

There was one plot thread that seemed to be totally dropped, which annoyed me. Unfortunately, it's possible that I just missed its resolution when my mind wandered, and I didn't have the patience to go back looking for it.

Not Maguire's best work, IMO, but perhaps fun for Russian folktale enthusiasts or fans of Baba Yaga.